stunned

A week ago at this time I was driving home from Fest, my mind too full of everything that had happened to be able to write everything down and process it.

A week later, I'm still too overwhelmed to function normally.

I know i say this every year, but this truly was the best Fest I've ever had.

It was ....

Scary
Painful
Affirming
Hopeful
Loving
And too many more things to say.

I learned a lot about myself.

Decided not to judge myself and to ignore others who judge me.

Learned a lot about my motivations and how to not feel guilty about them.

Learned that I need to be more direct about my needs and wants.

Made some major life decisions.


So its a week later and I still have a lot to go through.

And things in the outside world have been crazy.

In the next four weeks I have to:
Find a new apartment
Start two new jobs.
Pack up everything I own and move.

Its going to be an interesting few weeks....

Duck Tape Tevas

(I'm a girly girl.
A really girly girl.

So girly, in fact, that last year I chose to go to Fest with four pairs of shoes.
One pair of Tevas and three pairs of heels.

Note: The only time I generally wear heels during Fest is in the Femme Parade. But I needed three pairs. So that I could try on various heels with various outfits so that i could look my best as I was strutting down a dusty road.)

I figured things would go fine as per usual. Things at fest always work out, regardless of the circumstances.


But alas. The first day I was there my airbed died.
Apparently SOMEONE who lives in my apartment decided to go walking across it and dig her little nails into the airbed fabric.
The bed deflated as soon as it was inflated. The air came gushing out through little holes that were in the pattern of little kitty cat feet.
I resigned myself to the thought of sleeping on the ground all week.

Without a blanket of course, because who needs bedding when you have an airbed to sleep on?
I figured I'd suck it up. It could be worse.

Then my water bottle died. Not my plastic one, the big three gallon plastic monstrosity that I bought to keep water at my campsite.
I drink a lot of water. A LOT. So I figured that having a big container at my website would keep me from having the dehydration issues that plagued me my first year and kept me in The Womb for quite some time.
I decided I could live without the water container. I would just have to be extra careful to keep myself hydrated.

I was sad about these setbacks, but I figured it could always be worse.





Then my Tevas fell apart.
The sole completely separated from the rest of the shoes.

I was pissed.

They were less than a year old.

What was a girl to do?

I dug deep into the recesses of my mind to figure out a plan of action. As femme as I am, I couldn't spend the week walking around in heels.

Even I'm not that femme.

After ten minutes of profound thought, it hit me.

Duck Tape!

Surely on a piece of land containing several thousand lesbians, there would be a few people with duck tape.

I searched high and low. Nobody at my site had any. Then I walked down to Triangle, where they had ROLLS of the stuff.

They must have bought it in bulk.

I duck taped my Tevas back together.

It was ugly, of course, but functional. Kind of like a fanny pack.

I spent all damn week in those duck taped Tevas.

Walked everywhere in them.

And oddly enough, I got compliments on them.

Girls commented on them in the shuttle.

In workshops.

In the lunch line.

I was pretty pleased with my ingenuity.

After Fest, I came home and put them in the recesses of my closet.

Only brought them out to go to the SOA/WHINSEC protest in November.

A few months ago, I bought myself a pair of hemp sandals. Figured I would wear them to Fest.

This morning I dug out my hemp sandals.

(It's Fest packing time. Yes, I'm packing already.)

Dug out my New Balance Shoes.

(Picked out a few pairs of heels to take as well.)

Just in case my hemp sandals fell apart, I wanted to be prepared.

Then I brought out the Duck Tape Tevas.

Took off all of the old Duck tape.

Washed the old Fest dirt and sand off of them.

Dried them carefully.

And re-wrapped them back together.

With electrical tape.

They are going back to Fest this year.

As Electrical Tape Tevas.

at a crossroads(even though I hate that phrase)

The last few weeks I have had an overwhelming feeling that a big change is coming my way.

Changing careers to better suit what I want out of life.
Moving to another state, or to another country.
Starting a new relationship. The big, dramatic kind of relationship.

Something big. Really, really big.

You see, every year I make a big life change right before and right after Fest.

Last year I got rid of the television and became a vegetarian.
They were good changes for me.

In the months since Fest 2007 I have come to realize that what I thought I wanted out of my life wasn't really what I wanted.

I've changed my perspective on a lot of things.

So now I'm waiting.
Trying to figure out which of these life changes it will be.
Trying to figure out where I'm going to go in the next year.
Trying to figure out if it is what I want.


As a side effect of this watching and waiting, time has slowed down for me.

I've spent more time enjoying each moment for what it is.
Breathing deeply.
Smiling widely.
Laughing until I can't breathe.

It's good stuff.

slacking

I feel like a blog slacker.
I haven't been writing as frequently as I would like.

I've been doing 10 million other fun/exciting/important things that require a massive amount of energy and time.

It has been a fun few weeks.
The next few weeks are going to be a fun few weeks.

And then.....Fest!!!

So let me tell you about this thing you can plug into the wall......

I've been delinquent with the blogging.
It has been a crazyfun few days.

The two most important things to know:

I was SUCH a lady when I went to visit The Egg Whisperer.
Seriously.
So ladylike I even kept my pearls, thigh highs, and heels on.......

I may not have worn much else.
But those three things stayed on.
Because I'm A Lady.

Said Whisperer(in addition to enjoying some hotsexydirty activities with me, which i will not discuss as I Am A Lady) gifted me with a lovely little piece of electronica known as the Hitachi Magic Wand.

Yes, THE Wand.
I had never used one before and I enjoyed it so throughly I apparently kicked The Whisperer in the head while it was being..... um, utilized.

Whoops.

So.
1). I am a very, very cheerful Phoenix right now.
2). My electric bill is going to be HUGE this month.

The Egg Whisperer

The last few weeks have been insane.
Work drama, too little time for myself, crazy stuff happening every which way you can imagine.

But.
Let me tell you a story.

Last year at Fest I went a (very classy) event known as the kissing workshop.
In the line was a girl I had seen at Fest two years previous, but never really talked to.
She saw me and immediately switched places with another girl so she would be the first one I kissed.
Said she: I've been wanting to kiss you for a while.
Said I: Um, okay.

So we kissed. We kissed and she fell to the ground.
In a joking manner, of course. I'm husky, but not that husky.

Said she: You kissed me so good you made me fall to my knees.
Said I: Um, okay.

So she went and got a chair and she sat on it and I straddled her and we kissed some more.

We moved on down the line. I kissed some other girls. My pants fell off. (Another story for another day)

At the end of the workshop she came up to me and we kissed again.
Then I left to go to lunch(feta chickpea salad day!!!!) and I didn't see her again until the femme parade.

At the femme parade every year I carry a flogger. Not a big one, a baby one. And flog all of the girls who request a tap or ten.

I do all of this in a very ladylike manner, of course.
Because I Am A Lady.
But I digress.

After the femme parade she propositioned me.
Said she: I think I need to be flogged. Maybe you could come back to my tent and show me how you use that thing.
Said I: I'll flog you here but I'm not coming back to your tent. I'm A Lady and I NEVER hook up with anyone at fest.

(Stop laughing, Festies. Seriously. I AM A LADY!)


So we went our separate ways and didn't really see each other the rest of Fest.
A few weeks ago, I had a birthday/Fest party.
And this woman showed up who had read about it and wanted to hang with a few Festies.

I told EVERYONE my kissing workshop story.
Because I like to tell my stories over and over.

The next day I was sitting beside this woman and telling her how I had never hooked up with anyone at Fest and how i had never really met many woman who sparked my interest there.


Said she: I have a friend you might like to meet.
Said I: Um, okay.

So she went and got her laptop and started flipping through pictures.
Stopped on one and said, "This is the friend I was telling you about".

It was the woman from the kissing workshop.

Said I: Would you mind passing along my number to her?
Said she: Um, okay.

My number was passed, the woman called.

We've been talking like crazy.
We've talked so much that we both have run over the minutes on our phones and can now only talk after 7 PM.

She's amazing. Funny, smart, and hot.
I'm going to visit her in a few weeks.


Where I will proceed to do ONLY ladylike things.
Because I Am A Lady.

new stuff

Soooo....I realized a few days ago that my blog name doesn't match my real name.
Those who know me from Fest know me as Phoenix.
And.....When I created this blog I typed it in as Pheonix.

There 'may' be a chance that I 'may' have lost a few brain cells in the past due to heavy consumption of alcohol and/or drugs.
Fortunately, those days are over and I have all(most) of my faculties with me at this point.

I also see the irony in all of this----I b*tch at people who spell my name as Pheonix and not Phoenix.
And now I am those people.

(If you can't tell the difference, please go back to grade school.)

So I decided to change my blog name to match my real name.

Yes, I am aware that Phoenix isn't my real name.
But its the name that my friends know me by.

So, this is the first post.


Stay tuned.....