Insight

So.....after six months of hideous depression and crying and hating my life and being afraid that i was losing my mind, I realized something.

The issue was not the horrible winter weather.
The issue was not my lack of substantial income.
The issue was not my romantic/sex life, which had been confusing and difficult as of late.

The issue was that i hated my job.
Not my job in general, but the field that I was in.

I care about the disabled. I really do. And I love my clients.
I just don't want to spend the next twenty years of my life working with them.

And I started thinking about when I was happy. And I realized that happiest I've ever been was when i was teaching.
And then I thought that maybe I just liked it because I liked teaching sex ed.

Because, let's face it, getting paid to talk about sex all day is a pretty sweet gig.

And then I dug deeper into myself. And cried some more.
And I realized that I missed teaching.

And then I realized that my Aunt B was right---I belong in a classroom.

I always have.
I tutored and taught Sunday school(shocking, i know) when I was younger.
I worked at a summer camp, teaching kids about hygiene when I was older.
And every job I've ever enjoyed has involved educating others in some way.

I decided to go back and get my teaching certificate.
I've been working on it for the past month.
Its hard. Its scary.
I feel like I've gotten dumber over the years and I regret(but only slightly) the drugs and alcohol that have made me this way.



The odd thing is this: Almost everyone in my life has told me they were waiting for me to figure it out and get my certificate.

My former supervisor(whom I taught under) told me she always felt I should be a teacher and that she was praying I'd make the decision to go back to school and get my regular certification.

My parents(who would rather burn money than share it with their lesbian daughter) gave me $100 for tuition.

The Egg Whisperer(who pushed me into applying for my certificate) told me she always felt I was too smart to just be content taking care of others for a living.

My friend TLA told me that HER MOTHER(whom I've never even met) was happy that I had made the decision to get my certificate.

I've had several friends tell me they had hoped I'd eventually realize that teaching was my destiny.
And on and on......




Its amazing how others can sometimes see what we cannot.