re-booting

One of the things I have learned in the past few years is that I really need to write.
It calms me down.
It helps me get my thoughts out.
It helps me process my emotions instead of bottling them up.


But I don't do it. I think about it, I plan to do it, I tell people I'm going to do it....and then I don't do it.
I watch television. I read. I play on the facebook, getting lost in other people's drama.
But I don't write.

So one of the things I've been researching lately(NERD ALERT) is our body's natural cycles, and how our outer environment and inner environment don't match up the way they should.
I've also been reading about cycles of extroversion and introversion and how they relate to our surroundings.

One of the biggest things I've been working on is learning to listen to my body. I tend to disconnect from myself and focus on other people's needs and wants much of the time, so paying attention to myself is scary.
Listening to myself is scary.
Putting my needs first is fucking terrifying.

One of my goals for this winter is to allow my natural cycle of introversion to happen.

Generally my first instinct when the weather gets cold is to spend time outdoors. Alone.
But what I do is socialize and volunteer and go to parties and throw parties and join groups and spend time on social media, all the while wishing I were sitting quietly in a room thinking and writing.

I need to work on this. And I plan to.