Broken Heart

The first time it broke I was 17. The boy all of my friends told me I should date had started dating another girl. I didn't particularly like him, but in the manner of most high school girls, I felt like I should have a boyfriend. I cried for a week. 

Six years later, I ran into him. He was working at Taco Bell and living with his mom. 

The second time it broke I was 19. My first girlfriend had gone back to her ex. I sat waiting for her, as the dinner I made her slowly got cold, until midnight on valentines day. The next day, she called to tell me that she had realized she was still in love with her ex and that she would be by later to pick up her things. We would get back together three weeks later, then break up again. It was a pattern we would continue for almost two years. 

Fourteen years later, I'm friends with the ex and the woman I thought I loved is living in Montana with an abusive man and their child. 

The third time it broke I was 27. The woman I loved wouldn't stop drinking and getting high. I begged and pleaded, bargained and cajoled. She spent all of our money getting high and drained my savings account to buy tequila. She told me she didn't like drinking but that she didn't want to stop. On our anniversary, I told her the only thing I wanted was for her to be sober for a week. She agreed and said she really wanted to change. Her sobriety lasted less than a day. 

Seven years later, we are friends on Facebook and she has been sober for five years. She said when I left she realized she needed to get help. 

After three heartaches, I wrapped my broken heart in barbed wire and poured a layer of concrete around it, and made sure nobody got close enough to hurt me. 

Four years ago, my niece was born. My heart broke open with joy, and I felt a kind of love I never knew was possible. I became softer, happier, and my heart, broken by lovers, was healed when I held her. 

Two months after that I met the woman I call my wife. The barbed wire is gone, the concrete has been broken down and my heart is free again.