Taurus

I both love and hate being a Taurus. 

I love the fact that I value deep friendship, that I'm loyal, earthy, sensual, and pragmatic. I love the sense of being grounded that I get when I'm around other Tauruses. 

But. 

I hate how stubborn I am. 

When I'm doing something difficult and I refuse to give up, I appreciate the innate stubbornness many Tauruses have. I revel in my dogged determination. 

But when I refuse to admit I'm wrong, or find it impossible to change my ways, I hate the stubbornness of my nature. 

Don't get me wrong; I've tried to change this part of myself. I've tried wearing a rubber band around my wrist so I can snap myself back into agreeableness when I'm being obstinate. 

I've written letters to myself. I've put notes in my wallet and purse reminding myself that it's okay to give in, that my life will not end if I admit to my mistakes. I've gone to counseling. I've read dozens of books. 

But still, I find myself standing in my own way. Over and over and over. 

When my boss mentions I made a mistake, I will argue with her for hours despite knowing that I am in the wrong. 

When my partner asks me to do something I don't want to do, I will flat out refuse to do it and make up dozens of reasons why I can't. 

When someone comes up with a quicker, better way if doing something, I will determinedly stick to the old, slow way if that's the way I like. 

I know I'm in the wrong. I know I should just give in. I know I'm only harming myself. 

But still, I persist. 

I often think that I'm going to be one if those old people who refuses to die. They'll turn off the machines and leave the room, and I'll still be lying there struggling to breathe. Stubborn to the very end.